I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
