she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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