The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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