Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
