Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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