and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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