So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
