Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize