I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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