is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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