you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
