those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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