he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
