stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
