dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize