Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
