Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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