Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
