I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
