I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
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It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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