I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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