Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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