I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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