I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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