She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
