I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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