Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
