Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize