Pappa wants mamma naked
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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