9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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