I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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