Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
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He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season