My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
