just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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