i dont even know how to be here
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
