you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I need moral support for this bender
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
