You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
