i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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