did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
