I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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