I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
not ubering you a puppy
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
