there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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