are you so shy because you have an std?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
how drunk are you?
Several
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
