I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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