you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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