I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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