That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
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BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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