i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
