I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
