She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
