I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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