I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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