I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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