I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
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Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm just crazy horny about you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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