I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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